Saturday, February 7, 2009

My Not so Comfort Zone

Have you ever experienced any rocky relationships, whether it was yours or not? Did you always think it was your fault the relationships turned out the way they did? Seeing and experiencing many relationships with guys, I’ve got a lot to express. A relationship is one of the best experiences to go through because one could learn from their experience and/or mistakes, that way they can reach out to someone else who is in the same predicament. People should set their standards and explore both who they are and who they are having a relationship with.

Previously a family member of mine had a crazy relationship with a guy that use to beat her, treat her like a wild animal, and talk to her roughly. Growing up around that rough environment made me think that was how females to be treated, so I was also treated like that in some of my relationships, in the past, and in the present.

This relationship I had with this guy, whose name I’m going to keep anonymous, I’ve been in for two years has been horrible, but don’t get me wrong the first half of it was oh so wonderful. After Mr. Anonymous felt like he had me where he wanted me to be, our relationship just started getting out of hand.

A couple of times my friends and I were going out to the club just to have fun and he would be there with his friends also, but knowing the type of person he is and the attitude he has I should have been smart and left. Well he would snatch me up to tell me he better not see me dancing by myself, with my friends or with no guys. The thoughts that are running through my head are “Who does this mother fucker thinks he is and who does he thinks he’s talking to? Why would I come to the club just to stand there and watch others around me danced their life away?” Although those were my thoughts, I couldn’t bring myself to say what I was thinking and the only words that came out my mouth was, yeah okay. Ignoring him and his stupid little attitude I danced like no other; forgetting he was even in the club and what he told me, I basically blanked out. Without notice he came out of nowhere, pulled my hair and dragged me off to yell at me and somewhat hit me. He would say, “Didn’t I tell your little stupid ass not to dance?” then he would hit me, Smack! My girls were ready to show down because they were worried about me and they didn’t like the way he treated me, so things was ugly at the club that night.

My boyfriend then, but ex-boyfriend now, and I fought in the club for about 20 minutes in the corner and on the dance floor, it was really embarrassing to get yelled at and hit on like I was his kid or something. When I got home that night I cried the whole night because I knew I had to leave him alone, but love wouldn’t let me go on about my business; every time I had the courage to leave, he’ll find a way to pull me back in. Anonymous called me apologizing saying it was my fault we got into a fight because I shouldn’t had danced after he gave me a warning. Sitting there looking at the phone with a dumb look on my face I couldn’t help but laugh because I was dealing with a lunatic, this relationship was hurtful, stressful and just plain ridiculous.

Developing a sense that the relationship wasn’t going so good; being treated like an unknown human made me realize that someone needed to set some standards and it was going to be me. Also I took the time out to explore and respect myself to find out who Ashley Calloway really is and why she let herself be treated the way she did. Sometimes as I reminisce about him and any other dumb relationship I had, it finally occurred to me that I didn’t want to be in any relationship, but I was looking for someone to replace my father. My father went to jail a long time ago and to fix that missing piece of the puzzle in my life I turned to the next best thing, guys.

On the other hand a very good lesson was learned and Ashley had a very good outcome of her experience on that relationship; she learned not rush into a relationship and take things slow. Also I have a little sister, I wanted to set some examples for her because I didn’t want her to go through the same thing as me and my family member had gone through. Going off to school to further my education and having long talks with Tyliqua, my sister, is a couple of examples I’ve set for her. She tells me that she wants to be just like me and I can see she’s following in my footsteps, so I have no choice but to be a big sister and lead her in the right direction.

So to sum it up, I can truly say there is much experience to share. Being a young female and forced to grow up I can give anyone advice on relationships. This relationship is the most and best experience I ever had in my young life because I learned from my mistakes, that way in the future I know what to look for in a man. Going through this relationship with Mr. Anonymous was like taking big steps in life, one thing I learned from this crazy relationship is: you have to choose what’s right for you and choose who is right for you. Having a rough relationship with this guy has opened my eyes to set an example for others so they won’t make the mistakes I made.


  1. wow that is crazy but i had a family member going through the same thing but i handled the situation a little more different than you did (if you know what i mean) because i learned respect for women when i was younger and abusing them physically sexually or emotionally is never something a real man would ever do but i am glad that everything has worked out for you and i hope that you find a guy that will be the perfect gentleman for you

  2. i also grew up in a background where there was some abuse towards my mom. and i've pondered if maybe its had n effect on me. i hope it hasn't. you friends are really lucky to have someone that is so full of insight.

  3. That is great you got away from that guy. Don't ever go back to something like that, beacuase you can always find someone better. But I have seen a lot of realationships that turn out bad, and some of them still won't get out. But there are also a lot of girls and guys both that can be abusive.